'Agape'....thE UnconDiTionaL LovE

so i am back...!! i tried to make call to my sis like i said before to dissemble my ego...but sometimes i think god turns against you and is in no mood to do favours for us..

i called my sis..but she didn't picked up the phone...but i was desperate to do it...so i called on one of her friend cell.....
thank god he picked up his cell.....i inquired about her...
he told me that her cell is not working properly that's why she is not picking it up...and as she lives in a girl's hostel so i can't talk to her right now....

now men you tell me..for first time i tried to take the initiative of something and it didn't turn into my favour...even the god doesn't want that my ego should shatter....and
now what should i conclude from that....
i mean a mere coincidence...or like i said before that god does not want my ego to shatter...

whatever, i tried it once....and i'll again try it in the morning or till i set it right..because you must have heard that the god tests your patience.. in my case the stubbornness....
and believe me my lord i bet that you'll lose this time...and i mean it....
ha ha ha...i think god must be feeling terrified..
don't you think so???
i mean see my confidence...rarely any one of us bet with god...did you??

so lets see what happens....
now after the previous post i logged in on facebook...but few minutes later my father called me and said
some guest is about to arrive..and i have to go to escort him home...

ok!! now that is the most terrible part...
i don't like the guests at all...i mean when guests arrive you become very formal...
and etiquette's are the first victim on arrival of guests...
i mean you never exercise them for days...an then suddenly one day the guests arrives or crashes in and then we twist and turn and bend the etiquette's so brutally....i mean how painful this is for the etiquette's when they are not exercised for days and then suddenly you know... i need not to tell..

so that's why i don't like guests at all...
 i have a heart like i said "ice cream in hot summer"..so i can't slaughter the poor etiquette's...

but i have to do it because i am a social animal so i got up, took the keys, and started my bike.....and then i left...
ok!! he was a boy  from our faraway relation.... i escorted him back to home...
now my job is done.. and i disappeared like the 'horns over a donkey's head'...
now please don't apply the pressure on your nerve cells....
i know that donkeys don't have horns.....it's just a saying ..a comical one

i picked my guitar and went upstairs on roof top....i started playing the guitar...i was feeling pretty good today so firstly the recent numbers..and then i tried some new chord progressions...

and what the crap!!.... a new composition..??

see this is the beauty of music...
you need to get into the flow of music   and then you lose everything....
you become a part of it..and it overtakes you....and then your soul sings along...
your ego, hatred, anger, jealousy.. i mean all the things disappear...and you enter into a state of complete absorption...
some people then cries, some laughs, some lose their consciousness, etc .etc...
it varies from person to person..
in my case it is the crying most of the time, but sometimes laughing prevails....you don't have any reason to cry or laugh or whatever....
i have manier times tried to interpret the thing but the moment i do it...the charm breaks off...and you are back in this insane world... and you feel like a fallen angel...
so i never try to understand it now, because it is beyond my understanding or may be it is within my understanding but i don't have that much potential to interpret it...
but whatever the thing is..its blissful..i feel very calm and serene and contended....
i mean all the enlightening words you find in an Oxford dictionary..  

so as the song was finally projected into the material world...so there is certainly an interpretation to all that is material....
the song was about the condition of the present world...the violence, anger, bloodshed...etc.etc..

i have discovered that control  over my voice was getting better and better day by day as well as on
the guitar...
i have learnt a lesson from all this...
i mean when i tried to have control over my voice and the guitar..
i wasn't able to do it. no matter how much effort i put into... so this is what i want you to learn also from my experience that it's not the effort alone that makes you perfect at something but the thing matters the most is.... how much you delve into or get absorbed into something...and that is the key to perfecting an art
so  i think you got my point...

now that's enough for the time being ....i mean overfeeding your brain cells might make you go crazy..just as you can't handle the overfed stomach and vomit out everything... 

so after that i descended from that heaven and the rooftop and searched for my notebook in which i used to write my own compositions...
it was lying on my bed ...i picked it up and jotted down lyrics..not exactly what i was singing (because you can't commit so fast something to memory) but yes certainly the quite similar lines...

after so many days..i composed a new song ..infact after so may months i should say....

after that we had lunch together with our guest...
my mother told me that he should make acquaintances with the surroundings so i need  to show him the places like.... to visit my maternal grandmother house(remember i mentioned her in my previous post)...

so we left for the same....after reaching there you all know what is the most obvious thing that can happen..i need not to elaborate upon that...
so my grandma and the boy ran into conversation...and i was feeling sleepy..so i went to bedroom and let my body feel the gravity ...

while i was in half awakened state(which we call the alpha state in scientific terms)...a thought of Matrushka swept over my mind....and a feeling of intense love swallowed me...
though she was not in my conscious mind but deep impressions are committed to our subconscious..and when you fall asleep or in a dream, or in a set of certain similar circumstances triggers the past memories and that's because that is the time when your subconscious opens up to higher frequencies..        

some memories are painful, some ecstatic...in my case the latter one..
it was beautiful....her face appeared on the canvas of my mind....she was beautiful as she was before and her smile as deadly as ever...

i noticed something very unlike about the feeling...
i mean its a rare phenomenon...called the 'Agape'..
now you must be wondering  what the hell is this Agape???

well to add to your knowledge...'Agape' means the 'Universal or Unconditional love' like great saints and mystics have for humanity..
the word was added to my vocabs while i was reading a book called "The Pilgrimage"
of world famous Brazilian author mr. Paulo Coelho a few years back..

i have heard manier times this word called the "uunconditional love" mostly in godly sense but never ever felt of it this way....or did i??

yes!! not only me but you must have also felt it...don't you??
i mean we love our pets..most obvious of them, a Dog..... we pamper or cuddle the dog..don't you??
so is it that you are asking for something from the dog....???
no!! certainly not!!...
but we just love it to give, to shower all our heart on dog unconditionally..
but we don't realize it that actually we are doing it.....

so this phenomenon is now no more rare....as i have finally unearthed the secret.....ya ha ha ha...
so now i believe that we all are great saints...
we need not to perform penance, no going to Himalayas for seeking the truth..no need to have long beards and hairs...
we are already saints...the genuine saints...

today really i was having such beautiful experiences..i mean some days are really great...

i want to elaborate upon this thing called the "Agape" or"Unconditional love"...
of all the things i loved very much in my life so far  i had certain attachments, certain expectations, possessions..and i think that was the reason i feared to lose them..and inspite of the fact that i loved them so intensely they extended beyond my reach..
but when i met Matrushka.. i didn't had this thing called Love in my mind...it was just like a mission for me...
"Mission Matrushka"..........now that was funny...
and i didn't even cared if its accomplished or not!!
but then how i fell in Love with her is a mystery similar to the states i experienced while playing the guitar..

though the mission was not accomplished as you know it already...but still she remains like what??
yeah!!! like the 'Pole Star' at night which does not move across the sky unlike the other stars...

well that sounds very sweet and poetic..isn't it??
but to be honest i have stolen this term  from the movie called '10000 B.C' which i was watching last night on my laptop...
but Matrushka is genuine..that you all know...
that unconditionality made me feel that no matter she is with me or not, she loves me or not...
ofcourse she doesn't love me but still i won't feel any aches in my heart..because there is no condition so no consequences...as simple as that...  its just love and nothing else...
so here i learnt so many lessons today...it was a great day...

guys i am sharing these experiences with you because i think there is no need to reinvent a bulb again and again..we can start from the end of the efforts that mr.Thomas Alva Edison did to make out of it
a more better thing. so similarly you can benefit from my experiences...

but yes the basics are still to be learnt there are no shortcuts, in that case even mr. Edison can't help you...
so just be yourself...and cultivate this thing called the unconditional love..