i Said tO maTrusHKa

see i am in no mood to write this post......but i have do it....and i don't know why....

this kind of unknowing-ness has always been with me since my childhood......
and one question that always strayed in my consciousness and  baffled me is
if god created this universe..then who the hell did create the god???....
and if let say X has created  the god then who created X, and if let say again ..Y created X , then who the heavens created Y.....and so on..

i am sure this thought must have struck your mind someday...isn't it???

really!!!!  is there anyone who call them enlightened or self actualized beings can answer my question???
hmmmm??? tell me.... i want to know the answer to this specific question....

ok!!! now leave this matter for a while as i think there is noone who can answer this question.....infact i have a satisfactory answer.....i do not say that it will feed everyone's curiosity...but certainly it satisfies me  for the
time being....
so the answer is....Law Of Conservation!!!
yes!!! the Law Of Conservation.....i think all the guys related to science stream or even to other's stream knows it....
but still to brush up your memory i'll quote it for you....so here it goes....

it states that "nothing can be created, neither can be destroyed, but it can be transformed from one state to another."
and nothing refers to everything like energy, the soul, the god, and like i said everything....

so i think that depresses some of your curiosity folks!!!  i think so!! am i right??

well enough of enlightening discussions.....let's get back to our business...

so previously i was telling you that i was attacked by a virus called LOVE.......and i explained it to you the symptoms and the solutions....so proceeding with the same

after publishing the previous post....i did my breakfast....... and then i went to my cousin's home.
i checked my mails, and the facebook, and  i glanced over my latest post once again....

while on facebook...one of my friend read the latest post "now what the hell was that??"  he replied to me and he seemed to be impressed... and he said that he is inspired by me...and he too is writing a blog...

i said to him please don't expose anyone like i did.....i was a stupid....and you can see the result so far....
Matrushka cum xyz cum 'does not exist'...is not conversing with me from past 3 days.....
reason you all know!!
i have apologised for what i did... but i think she's in no mood to forgive me.....seriously in  no mood...

now tell me!!! i am just  a human...and you must have heard " to err is human, to forgive is divine"..
so i think she should forgive me.....don't you think so???

so like i was telling you that she is not talking to me....so i was a bit tensed today....
i was regretting that i shouldn't have used the original name....my friends already warned me about that...
but like i said "to err is human,................divine".

this has been an old tradition in human society to commit the forbidden. the alpha of the human civilization was a result of committing the forbidden...
The Adam and the Eve......remember father and mother of human civilization??.
they ate the forbidden apple and they were thrown out of Eden garden...the heavens...

but i think some errors are acceptable... i mean, if both of them never committed the forbidden then i think
there should have been no human civilization..
and from my point of view....you see.... i would have never met Matrushka then...ha ha ha. .that was funny ...
isn't it??
so like i said some errors are acceptable......

after the previous sentence i just took a  break of 10 min because my mother was having some problems..... i inquired about it..... it was migraine.. a problem related to head.and she is having it.
its a terrible thing... i mean i have never experienced it but i have heard that it is really really a blunder...
one of my friend was also suffering from the same disorder...and he even broke a bottle on his head while that migraine attack occurred to him.....
my mother never did like that but yes she lost consciousness many times...

i told her several times not to shout or get tensed but you know the woman's how they are...
and to add to her woes......she is a teacher....so you can imagine what effect does it cause on her head...

i searched about this disorder on the Internet a few months back...

it says that it is a result of combination of blood vessel enlargement and the release of chemicals from nerve fibers that coil around these blood vessels. During the headache, an artery enlarges that is located on the outside of the skull just under the skin of the temple (temporal artery). This causes a release of chemicals that cause inflammation, pain, and further enlargement of the artery.

Whatever are the reasons..... but it is hard to be cured completely... it can be lessened with meditation and of course the drugs..
i told my mother to take up the mediation..but she never lends an ear to my words..
you know it.. all the mothers of this world thinks that her son is still a kid..and knows not much....
i mean.... i told her just because i have experienced meditation benefits..
i suffered from a problem called "Nasal Sinusitis"(a problem associated with nose) since i was in fifth standard..
i took up meditation...and now it's gone completely.

you know what??.............its not the pills that cure a disorder or disease....it is our self belief that cures us...
and that is why i m emphasising on meditation instead of medication....
i'll tell you some other day about  the meditation and my physical and metaphysical experiences with it...

so!! like i was telling you that some errors are acceptable....as they are the initiators of a change...a great change sometimes...
like Neil Armstrong said once when he landed on the moon for the first time.....

"a step of a man, a giant leap for mankind"...

so same goes here ....who knows??  may be i was chosen by the almighty...like we all say..."bali ka bakra"...ha ha ha...
to a start of a new change...may be!!! 
so that's why  i say that ....Matrushka...please! please! please!........ forgive me.
Try  to understand......that i am "bali ka bakra."
please lets settle the disputes if any of it exists.........

i mean it's OK..that i am at the receiving end..
but seriously don't let it happen if it is just your ego that is keeping you away from talking to me.. i mean it happens with everyone of us.. i am not pointing specifically at you...

or are there any other problems??? is it so??

i mean like after i yelled your name in the public.. your friends may be teasing you...is it so???
if that's the problem then i suggest you something...... seriously....
listen to your heart!!! what does it say??/
i mean you only said that day while chatting..."kuch toh log kahenge, logon ka kaam he kehna"

now you are holding back on your words... i mean that's not the trademark of a real human....
all i can say i am not a bad guy...but yes... like i said  i am "bali ka bakra" chosen by the god...

rest the choice is yours....listen to your heart...and not to anyone...not even to your friends or not even to me....
because life gives us opportunities in disguise in an unusual manner which seems to be wrong and
weird... but it is the poison that turns into ambrosia in the end...so give my suggestion a thought..

and if in case you love someone....so nothing much i can do about it...... all i can say in that case that i am an unlucky guy and i should have met you before.....or to add a bit humor to it....
i wished Adam and Eve would have had the apple a bit earlier...so i would have met you more earlier and grabbed the opportunity to be with the most beautiful women i have ever seen on earth...

so are there any other problems left to say???  i mean.... may be more of it.....
like i am not handsome...not a hunk, macho man.....ha ha ha....is that so??...is it??

okkkk!!!! if that's the problem then i can help you....like i can have a plastic surgery of my face and make me....... like what???..........i mean like which is your favourite actor....??
John Ibrahim....no!!.......... not John??....... then ?? ......
oh i see!!......mr.Brad Pitt...
ok!!! done!!.....i 'll get it done like Brad pitt....now are u happy???

ok!!! now that are you happy!!!.... then can we talk??....no??

oops!!! i forgot one thing!!!.......guess what??

HEART!!! the Heart....like i said before...the pen drive of an engineer....

it stays as it was!!..the stupid one!!!  it cannot be emulated....
no plastic surgery of the heart..to make it like the heart of mr. Brad Pitt.......
crap!!! total crap!!!

now i am really started to believe that i am a..... so called 'bali ka bakra."
is there any way left?? can anyone tell me???  hmmmmm??

 i feel such terrible................yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!